Dear Diary,

Last night my lover said to me, “When we are older, I hope that we still complement each other, as we do now.”

I thought about this, for some time.

Both he and I adjust to the company we keep. With some friends I am serious and academic, while with still others I am the peace keeper, always smoothing over little slights and voicing the positive aspect of a situation. It is only with my lover now that I am silly and quick to twist all his words into a sexual suggestion; it is only with my lover, now, that I am free to let my words fall unfettered, without fear that I sound too intellectual. We can discuss the works of Anais Nin and in the next breath the nuances of Christopher Nolan’s Batman; we contemplate cookware and the culinary habits of renowned chefs as well as whisper, teasingly, about the taste of cum and sweat and where I would like him to stroke me next.

It is the most freeing relationship I have had to date, yet his comment gave me pause to reflect upon the half a year we have known each other. Not long, by the standards of being older but not much wiser. When is it, then, that a relationship loses its sweet new shine? There are a thousand thousand articles about how to get a man, keep a man, lose a man, and a thousand more about the intricate acrobatics necessary to feign interest in his hobbies, to re-capture his wandering attention, and/or re-invent yourself into a sort of Stepford mistress version 2.0 in order to be more accommodating to his needs.


“When we are older, I hope that we will still complement each other, as we do now.”

When we are older, I hope that I am still making dirty jokes, and that you are still laughing at them.

When we are older, I hope that you still want me every time you see me, that something stirs primal and deep, reminding you to come and catch me.

When we are older, I hope that we still sit hip to hip, with my legs hooked over your knees and your arms wrapped around me.

When we are older I hope that you are still you and I am still me.

That would be enough, I think, but only time will tell.




*Photography credit:*